Stay Right Here and Let the Cosmos Twirl

Originally published March 31st, 2019.

~~~

Kairi was a light sleeper.

She wasn't always. But during the year that her boys were gone, her body began to wake itself up at even the slightest noise. The ocean breeze outside her window could have been Sora or Riku returning, or a Heartless, or an Organization member, or anything else.

No, she was a light sleeper by circumstance, forged that way by her own anxieties.

Which is why she was the first to wake up when Sora cried that night.

Kairi's eyelids opened groggily, and she let a confused, low groan rumble from the back of her throat. Sora's chest rose and fell against her back as he took tight breaths in and out. Riku's hand was lazily draped across the both of them.

The three of them hadn't been able to sleep a wink without the other two in the same bed for a long time now. This sleeping arrangement, the three of them spooning each other in an orderly line, had become commonplace, but the order varied.

Tonight it went Riku, Sora, Kairi, and Kairi was glad for it, because apparently Sora was the one who needed extra care tonight.

When Sora felt her shift slightly, she noticed that he immediately stopped breathing.

She blinked into the dark. Her voice was still gravelly from sleep. "Sora?"

He let out a shaky breath and took her hand in his, rubbing slow circles into her palm with his thumb. "Hey. I'm okay."

Riku muttered something behind Sora that Kairi couldn't hear, and she knew that he hadn't been far behind her waking up.

Kairi untangled herself from four arms, two lanky and two muscular, and turned around to lay on her left side instead of her right. "Bad dream?"

Before Sora could answer, Riku reached over him and straightened Kairi's hair, using his fingers as a comb. "Nope. He hasn't been asleep. I'd be able to taste the wisps of his nightmare otherwise." (Kairi still didn't completely understand the whole Dream Eater thing, but she took him at his word.)

Sora's face was only barely visible in the cloudy moonlight, but his smile was unmistakable. So were the glints of tears on his face. "Really, guys. I'm fine!"

Kairi felt something tugging at the edges of her heart, and she recognized it immediately. "You're sad." She ran a thumb across his cheek. "Why's that?"

"Stop poking around in my brain, Kairi."

"I'm not doing it on purpose. It's a Princess thing. And it's your heart, not your brain, dummy."

Riku's hands had moved from Kairi's hair to Sora's, though this gesture was more soothing and less of a means to straighten the strands. "Sora."

Sora sighed, and there were a few moments of silence where he hesitated. Kairi and Riku waited.

"I dunno. I guess I'm just kinda lonely."

"You could have woken one of us up."

"Nah, it's not the normal kind of lonely. It's... it's something in my heart. Like there's a piece of it missing."

Kairi's brow furrowed. "Your heart's all accounted for, from what I can feel."

Sora shook his head, half-digging his face into the pillow to avoid nonexistent eye contact. "I mean Ven. Ventus. Roxas and Xion, too." He sniffed. "They're their own people now, and it's awesome."

Riku spoke into the back of Sora's neck. "Hmm. You don't sound convinced."

"No, I mean it! I'm happy for them! It's what I've been working for, you know. That's what I wanted. I wanted them to be able to live their own lives."

"But you miss them?" Kairi half-asked, half-stated. "You miss them being with you."

"It's awful, Kairi." Sora's voice cracked. "I can't even bring myself to say it. It's selfish." He let out a sob, and Kairi felt him stiffen up again, like he was trying to prevent more tears from coming.

Kairi and Riku said "You're not selfish," in unison, and Sora snorted despite his tears.

Riku's voice was grave now. "Sora, I remember when Ventus entered your heart. We were little. He's been with you for a long time. It makes sense that it would feel weird without him being there anymore."

Sora replied, "But he wasn't even awake. He was just... there. It's not like anything's different, not really."

Kairi was quiet. She had taken Sora's hands in hers again, and she kissed them to let him know she was listening.

The three of them laid in silence for a moment. Their legs had tangled together again to account for Kairi's new spot, and she and Riku were sandwiching Sora in an embrace. Kairi contemplated her boyfriend's words as she pressed her nose into the dip of his neck and he cried into her hair. She felt Riku nuzzle him.

Riku hummed. "Even though the others aren't right there next to you anymore, they're always gonna be in your heart. That's what we've always said about each other; the same goes for our friends."

Sora made a non-committal noise. "Yeah. It's just..." Another sigh. "...it's weird. I just gotta get used to it, I guess." His voice was still quivering at some syllables.

Kairi smiled at nothing. "Think of it like this: now there's twice the room in your heart to make even more friends. There's so many worlds we haven't visited, so many adventures we haven't had. So many more friends. And the old ones won't go away, either." She reached out and tweaked his nose.

Sora nodded once, a messy hair spike nearly catching Kairi in the eye. They both noticed, and giggled briefly.

He squeezed Kairi's hand and pushed his head backwards to nudge Riku's. "You guys are right. I'll be okay. Don't worry about me."

"It's our job," Riku teased, kissing him on the cheek. "We know you'll be okay, but it's also okay to ride it out with us, you know."

Kairi watched in the low light as her boyfriends had their moment, the gears in her head turning.

As Sora's head fell back to the pillow, Kairi pursed her lips. He was still in the aftershocks of crying, and his face was hot.

She blinked. "Is it okay if I try something? A Princess thing."

Sora sniffed again before he reacted, but he nodded. If he was confused, he didn't show it.

Kairi scooted down a bit so her face was parallel with where Sora's heart was, and she pressed her cheek against his chest. The pilling on his cotton shirt itched on her skin. She shut her eyes, allowing herself a moment of warm butterflies. Then, she focused.

She reached into her heart, manipulating its light and directing it.

She reached into Sora's heart and felt the space around it (she supposed he had a point; his heart had always seemed more full than everybody else's).

And then, she willed the light of her heart to tenderly envelop his, like wrapping something in a blanket. Through her eyelids, she could tell something in front of her was faintly glowing, but she didn't look.

Sora had gone silent, but he was tracing fingers across her back. She guessed her attempt was working.

Kairi heard Riku ask, "What are you doing, Kairi?" An inquisitive, gentle tone, not an accusatory one.

And her reply was quiet, because her act took concentration, but she said: "I'm filling in the spaces."

Kairi felt Riku's arms reach around and pull her close.

In that moment, the three of them felt like a single entity, and she could have sworn she felt Riku's darkness join her, standing guard around her light the same way she embraced Sora's heart. They could have all melted together, become ethereal, and none of them would have noticed a difference.

Kairi considered for a moment how, to her, Riku's darkness was brighter still than the light of someone like Master Yen Sid.

Kairi considered it for another moment, and concentrated her efforts on connecting Riku to Sora, as well. Picking out tendrils of warm shadow to pull towards Sora's heart. Trying to emulate sunshine with her own presence. The heart in the center of it all glowed just a little bit pinker.

Sora had stopped crying by now -- stopped crying sad tears, at least. Now tears of happiness and love fell onto the pillow and made it generally uncomfortable to lay on. None of them cared much about that.

The only comment out of any of them for the rest of the night was Sora mumbling, "Thank you. I love you. I love you."